Friday, February 25, 2011

A Brothel in Egypt?

Now I don't know about you but something tells me Egypt has been pretty busy these past few weeks! I know because I graduated from the AUB with a doctorate in identifying the obvious and sciences.

While everyone is focused on what is going on in Egypt politically, we seem to be giving no attention to what Egypt is most famous for; legends and food poisoning. I'll just deal with the legend side for now as I have a legend to share!

In 2007 I visited Egypt to be a guest on a show on MBC called "Adam". It was an incredible show of titans and legen- it was a talk show. You can actually see the video posted on my YouTube channel! Visit and checkout not only that video but tens of others! (don't you love shameless plugs?)

I was assigned a driver to show me around at the time and as I understand as much Egyptian dialect as Israel understands basic human rights I was in for a heck of a drive.

At one point he asked me if I wanted to see anything in particular in Egypt, suggesting I visit "Al Haram", haram pronounced with a weak h means pyramid. I thought it meant harem, which is a glorified brothel.

So I quickly replied no thank you as I have a girlfriend. He looked very puzzled and asked what having a girlfriend has to do with going to the haram? "Obviously you've never dated a Lebanese woman" I replied to which he stared at me blankly. "Why don't you show me the pyramids?" I quickly asked, motioning a triangle with my hands.

"That is the haram" he replied. "The haram is in the pyramid?!" I exclaimed. "Yes! Yes it is!" "How do we get there?" I asked. "By Horse!", he replied excitedly. I should mention at this point in time we were both a bit confused. My mind was racing wildly picturing going into a brothel on horse back in a pyramid as men chose their woman and retired to one of the many lavish chambers.

I dashed to my phone and called my now past girlfriend, "Listen", I said in a compassionate tone, "I don't want you to get mad, but I'm going to a brothel and before you go crazy the only reason I'm doing this is because here they have brothels IN the pyramids! And you go on horseback!" She enthusiastically urged me on and made me promise to take pictures, of course that was all I was permitted to do.

We then rushed to the haram and I paid a ridiculous amount to rent a horse but i didn't care! The horse's name was Rambo, what a fitting name for such a manly adventure! We galloped towards the pyramids; my guide, Rambo and I, and within minutes we arrived.

My guide stopped his steed, as did I, and stared at the pyramid. I stared at him blankly. "Where is the haram?" I exclaimed. "This is the haram" he said confusingly pointing to a gargantuan pyramid right in front of me. "Where are the women?!" I shouted feeling cheated and betrayed. "Women?!" said my guide even more baffled than before.

"Yes the women of the haram! I was promised I would see women inside the pyramid!" I shouted back. "This is the haram" said my guide pointing to the pyramid, "why are you..." then we both realized what had happened. Definitely not of the highlights of my life as a cultured human being, but it was legendary!


Read my column every Saturday in the Daily Star! Pick up the next one Saturday Feb 26 2011: They're on Acid so they must die.

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